I have never heard myself cry so silently.
You said when cries become silent, there is no way to repair the hurt.
The last time i cried, it was all for one reason.

This time i cried.
Tears flowing doesn't mean crying.
Well, at least to me.
I don't really know what i am expecting or what i am really feeling.
It's all puzzled.
I don't know what i want. I don't know what to do.
I hate this. Not knowing what to do.

This feeling i hate so much.
Our paths never met.
Never.
Our paths never crossed.
It was a parallel line.
All i had were simple memories.
But they remained in my heart and i never forget a single one of them.
I never like the feeling of secretly liking someone because it sucks although a smile brings a smile across my face. But usually, it's just pain.
Afterall, after thinking and deciding and stuff, i wonder, why hold on to something?
Why hold to a feeling that is...well, hard to forget?
Contradicting right?
Ar..

It's a weird feeling.
Really.
I don't know how to describe it.
When you cry for a guy, it means it's hopeless.
fine~ Don't sound like a useless girl by saying that my dear girl.
Let's admit things.
The happiest and the strongest girl...can still break down to one stupid feeling.
I can't sleep.
I can't stop the silent tears.

I told myself day and night to forget about it and that what is most important now, is to work and study and just be a happy kid.
Being happy is hard.
It can be easy.
Like i have said...don't think too much.
But not thinking too much is hard.
Haish.

Why can't things be kept simple.
Oh gosh.
If it was simple, it can be easily forgotten.
Not saying that it's complicated. Just that...
I don't know how to say.
GOSH!

Why can't things be simple.
Why can't you just like someone easily?
Why can't everything be easy come easy go.
I don't understand.
I hate it.
I don't get it.

But i wish him the best.
i mean, a nice person gets the best right?

My face feels so bruised.
i am not sure if it's the sun or what.
But it's so bruised.
Tears fell and it hurts my face too much.
Touching it made it worst too.
What happened!?
Things all of a sudden don't go right.

And i obviously know tears don't help.
But it's the only way to prevent further breaking down.
Smiling is the only way to tell myself to go on.
I don't know.

I thought i was a happy girl a few days ago or rather a few hours ago.
Sucks.
Fuck all the emo-ing thoughts.
I HATE IT.
It's so immature.
But nahs, i ain't emo-ing.
just just just....
Not right.

I know anything bad will be over.
I know nothing last forever, even hurt and pain or sadness.
But i wonder how am i going to forget those feelings.
I wonder how i am going to face them all.
I wonder.
It was hard a few years ago, facing similar feelings.
I wonder now.
Words..
What i've said are nothing but words.
Understand the meaning behind those words?

Thanks buddy for understanding my words.
Thanks buddy for telling me to face my feelings.
Thanks buddy.
= )
They say it's hard to know what i am thinking.
They say it's hard to get words out of my mouth.
Are you sure? Because buddy sure knows how.

Ar.
Perhaps, i faced it with the running away method?
Forget it.
I forget everything with this post.
I forget everything after a sleep.
I forget everything after those tears.
I forget everything.
Because simple things that you do or don't do just affect me too much.
Thanks for making me smile too.
Because you never know you made my day.

Hopefully, i will forget..and be the same old brand new mich.
= )

I always believe in treating people the way you want to be treated although i got lost a few times.