Where things seems forever(let me do some recollections and let me love those people i love)

Yeaps. One normal shot during SYF.

Those times, i miss.

Those times when everything seems forever.

I was certain that things will be forever.

I was.

I thought memories will remain forever.

I wanted to remember every single detail.

But, it seems i was wrong then.

I tried to remember the feeling i had during that syf day.

A very short moment.

I swore i will never forget that day. I didn't forget that day, just forget those feelings.

Afterall, those days in band, i will never forget.

Those days in school with those people.

1e2,2e2,3e2,4e2. People from these classes. I will never forget.

People who left us along the way. Shalehin, and shi ning. One, classmate of two years. Another, a sweet friend of mine. Time pass and flow. May seems i forgot, but somewhere in me, i remember the two of you. The smiles stays in my heart. The last goodbye i heard from shalehin. It was really a last goodbye. It seems there are signs every where.

A bunch of really good friends in sec sch. Jiaying, Chris and yue. Really good friends. Even in the same class for four years. Yue,i know why we can get along well when we just knew each other, she's born on the 7th of june and me, on the 8th. Gemini. And chris, a super jovial girl. Ying, a very you xing ge girl.

And i remember telling myself, they are people i really wanna keep for long, but i think it's rather hard. We all have more new friends and catching up among the four of us are hard.

Remember skipping the whole year of Home Econs and passing the paper at the end of the year.

That time, was really, fun. Hahas. "Hiding" in class, in toliet or at times, outside the band room. That period of time, we are really naughty. Yue and i. In sec two year. And then, the hoohaa over the guy yue liked. And the hoohaa over another guy. Those time, looking up. Those times.

Really. I miss those days. Where friends mean so much. Where everyone was innocent.

The times, we made our teacher so angry. Made Miss Wong angry, made Mr Ong angry, made Mdm Koo(*right spelling?*) angry. Had National days as a class, competing with other classes.

And i can never forget sec one year. That dance for teacher's day that never fails to bring us to embarrassment. lols.

I am starting to miss those days where there's really innocence. Even scheming seems far.

Everyday is in our own world. Slacking and hanging around.

But as we got older, i see the innocence losing. Even an innocent looking person can be so scheming. But what have i got to say towards scheming people? We all are, unknowingly.

So many times, i try to decieve myself. That i am not changing, that i am the same old michelle.

I have changed. Changed to protect myself more. I hate the new change, but i see it as something, that can never be changed. I am more of myself when with family or with weijian(*honoured?*). Why weijian? He is charming, he is a guy that is impossible for us to feel attraction for each other and he is so true to people. It's hard to look for people you can really be true to. People who really love you for your faults and strengths.

I am living each day, feeling super tensed. What will people think of me when i am doing certain stuff or saying certain stuff? I cant help but be aware of that. I care too much about how people view me. Even till now. I wonder, what will it be like in the "real" world.
I suddenly realise that i will soon be in year2, and soon, year3. And soon, graduate.

And it's really important to be indepedent.
I hate that. Doing things myself and bearing all consequences myself.

When you are young, you done something wrong, that is because you are still young and still learning what is right and wrong.

When you are say, a teen, you do something wrong, that is because of bad influence.

When you are older, you do something wrong, and that is your own fault.

No one is there to help you carry the guilt or the blame.

I fear that. I fear seeing someone and not knowing what that person is thinking and how true that person is.

What is the point of fearing the future? Because it will come.

It's the same as debating who is right and who is wrong. Because what done is already done.

I see regrets, i see tears and i see happiness. And i am feeling super sad that it's all in the past.

I know that cliche thing: At least, you gone through them before. Memories are enough.

But perhaps, i didn't really appreciate those times.

I miss studying in the environment of 1/2e2 and 3/4e2. That slow and artistic class. That cheerful and happening class. Those laughing and playing with people.

I remember my best sitting partner in class although it was for a short time-ashraf. May seem i forgot about this guy. But nopes! He used to be sitting beside me in class. He hit people really pain! And he likes to annoy me. Hahas! Cute! I remember his "ambition" then. He wants to be a model.

I remember.

= )

At least, lessons aren't boring.

I miss having P.E. I miss having to run around the school. I miss seeing yue worried about standing broad jump and all of us having to cheer her on.

I miss sports day and i miss cross country. I miss having those small guy watching times.

I miss those tears that we shared. I miss those laughter that we shared.

Thinking back about the past, do make me happy that once, i shared beautiful memories with people that are nice and lovely and well, made an impact in my life.

I remember our first Valentine's day. It was with chris and yue. Neoprints are memory helper.

I remember class chalet and the star gazing thing and all the chat by the beach.

If you ask me now, what year i most want to return to, i will say sec1 and sec3.

As we all get older, we change unknowingly. And distanced unknowingly.

I miss the sec1 camp, i miss leadership camp, i miss sec 3 camp, i miss band camp and i miss PSL camp and i miss the sec1 orientation camp. Those days of planning the camp. Those days where i learnt so much from Mr Sim. I remember my orientation grp leader partner- karinda. We nearly went to tears taking them. We took 1A2 i think and they can be really naughty and at times, unwilling to participate. And i remember the song we sang with shalehin and chris as lead singers.

I remember those days rehearsing for the Anti-Drug skit with Sembawang Family Centre.

At times, during school time(*poly*), i thought back about those secondary school days and i can't help but laugh and smile. I can tell myself, at least, i got those memories before.

Time is fast now. I barely have time to really appreciate everything. Everything is moving fast.

No time for mistakes, no time for regrets.

How i miss those times. But what is the point of saying how much i miss those days?

Cox, they are all over. Yue, Chris and yingg, you peeps are the best people i have known during those sec sch days. Although i am barely making time to meet you people up,i just wanna say, i miss you people more than anything.

But times change, and i barely talked to you people. I have changed, so have you all. But i love you all for who you all are.

And to those P&Ls, and well, the clique, i love you pple too. Afterall, knowing each other for more than a year already. I don't know. It's kinda irritating to know that whatever i am doing with people i love now, will be past in the future.

One change i totally hate about myself now? I tend to not trust people too easily. Things i say, i say with thought. Things i do, i worry what others will think. Things i say, i worry others will misinterpret. Things i do, i worry others will misinterpret.

Things i do, i worry no one will appreciate. I rather be the one that believe in everything people say and people do. At least, there is nothing to worry. But it's hard to revert back to that.

Why the sudden blog entry about such stuff? The SYF pic made all memories flash passed me like dono what. Therefore, i actually stopped my pace and thought of the past, the people i love. But whatever, i still have to go on right? And i clearly know that it's on us whether we want to live happily.

What a blog entry.

Nights all.